Mr. Rant & the cardboard Ford Explorer

I didn’t much feel like ranting this week, that’s how you can tell I’ve been sick.  But then something happened on Tuesday that spurred me to the site for at least one brief spiel.  Hold onto your hats, this will go quick.

Jurassic Park toys.  Apparently, this line has been hanging onto the fringe of the toy world through KB Toys exclusives ever since the last movie.  I didn’t realize this until recently when the line was “revived” by Hasbro as a Toys R Us exclusive.  Seems like Hasbro, at least with this line, has really mastered the art of taking decade old molds of dinosaurs, repainting them god awful neon colors, and re-releasing them every few years.  Kudos to them, I guess…

So, there I was, reading over what figures were in the wave and looking at the clashing paint schemes of dinosaurs on psychotropic drugs, when I get to the last item on the list.

“Jurassic Park Deluxe Electronic T-Rex – The king of the dinosaurs has arrived! This massive T-Rex comes to life with multiple growls, roars and howls and even a “bone crunching” sound effect for when it eats its prey. Additionally, its motion activated stomping sounds are sure to strike fear into humans and other dinosaurs alike. This giant dinosaur comes with a “Dino Tracker” action and a weapon that really fires. As an added bonus, the back of the box has an illustration that can be cut out and assembled into an off-road vehicle.”

“That’s kinda odd”, I thought to myself.  So I look at the picture, and sure enough, that’s what the box said too.  

Let me ask you this, dear readers.  How the hell are you supposed to get away from a giant T-Rex, painted like a neon Easter egg, that’s charging in your direction?  Well, according to Hasbro, you get out your trusty pair of scissors and cut out your own two-dimensional cardboard Ford Explorer from the back of the box you just came in.  

Really Hasbro?  

You couldn’t spring for the few extra dollars to have the molds you already had done for over a decade used again so that some kid’s poor excuse of a Sam Neill figure actually has a chance escaping to safety without resorting to Flintstone-ing  a cardboard cutout of a car that resembles, at best, a shabby backdrop to some third rate high school play?


Mr. Rant

13 thoughts on “Mr. Rant & the cardboard Ford Explorer

  1. I would love to be shocked by this, but it just doesn’t surprise me. I mean the company known for 3 and 3/4 figures are putting out some of the worst little figures with the JP dinosaur versus packs.

    1. Yeah, it’s like DR said below.

      Take a generic looking Joe, call him Alan Grant and make the Vamp into an awesome dino-hunting vehicle.

      On the other hand, I don’t mind them keeping the same theme scale to the JP toys they’ve been producing the last few years, but the lack of paint on the figures makes it seem like an afterthought.

  2. boys, you’re missing the point. notice the release date… seem familiar? that’s about the same time the james cameron “Avatar” movie toys come out. avatar hasa bunch of giant dinosaur like creatures… jurassic park has real dinnosaurs. the figures themselves look VERY similar (the humans, at least) between jurassic park and avatar, and remember, this is all after GI Joe has revived 1/18th scale… the toy you’re supposed to outrun the T-Rex in is the steel crusher. i guarantee that this jurassic park revivial is inspired so hasbro can get a bigger taste of the 1/18th scale market and specifically to get a taste of mattel’s Avatar action.

    that said, yes, a cardboard cutout jeep (which might fold together into a 3D construct you know) is lame w/ a capital LAME! what next, a pterodactyl w/ pack-in balsa wood glider & string so you can tie a figure to it?

  3. well at least they did something with the box i guess. where’d you see the picture of it? i want to see the gaint neon dino!!!!

    Cobra might just have to do some dino research if it looks cool or crazy enough

  4. I saw these at my local TRU. I had no idea KB was still putting these out, that makes this a little more acceptable.

    They’re still garbage though. And can someone tell me why the dinosaurs skin comes off? It never struck me as a great “play” feature.

  5. What really bugs me about these is that Hasbro is the king of 3 3/4″ figures. So, instead of taking the opportunity to produce some sweet new figures for a beloved license, they cheap out and repackage the same old garbage. It wouldn’t even be that much of a stretch; as someone mentioned before, package some cool generic Joes or those Hulkbuster figures from the Hulk line with some dinos, call it a day. I know times are tough, but Hasbro became one of the most successful toy companies through innovation and risk-taking…now their general lack of imagination kills me. Hasbro could really turn this line something special, instead it’ll just be mediocre peg-clogging trash, like it’s been for years.

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